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“I have use for about 10% of married people. They’re all in cruise control.” “Perhaps,” I wanted to say, “but I’ve been swimming.“ I am a dreadful swimmer, scared of deep water, wanting mostly to sit on the side of a pool and marvel at everyone having a good time in a place where I have envisioned my death. But I started swimming at the encouragement of a friend and now I am hooked. It is both exhilarating and peaceful, warm and relaxing. I get from one end to the other however I can, in a community of people that don’t care that my hair is mostly still dry. I wear flippers, use a kick board, swim breast stroke, side swim, and swim backwards. It’s not pretty at all, but even a Polar Bear doggie-paddles. Picking up a new hobby (or skill or job or diploma) counts as a variance of speed in a relationship, especially when the children are young. You are considering not only yourself but your spouse and your family, as you consider the new demands on your time. Stedman and I will be married 20 years in February, and there’s something to be said for cruise control and the assurance of our routine. But there’s also something to be said for putting your foot on the pedal, shifting the contents of the car and making your heart beat faster. We can and should encourage growth in our relationships in this way.
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